Final Straw
by LOST-Annie
Summary: CHP 9 IS UP Jack and Kate will have to fix all their problems eventually. Why not start now?
1. How to Be Dead

Author's Notes/Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Lost". They were created by JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof and they belong to them, Touchstone, and ABC.

Jack and Kate are going to have to get over this fear of themselves eventually. Now's as good as ever.

Before I begin, I'd like to say that I am using the title of a Snow Patrol album and basing each chapter on one of the songs. A friend told me to do this, and I thought I'd do so.

CHAPTER ONE: **HOW TO BE DEAD**

Jack sat alone in his cave, staring absently at the medical supplies, which he had taken note of at least twice already this week. He heard voices outside his cave, talking about the weather and about the baby as if it were completely normal to be stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. He sighed and continued to stare at nothing in particular when he heard a soft cough, as if to win his attention. He turned quickly and saw Kate, looking bashful and ashamed of herself.

"Hey." She said quietly, her eyes darting to his face before moving away once more. He narrowed his eyes. Whatever she wanted, he wasn't going to give it to her.

"What do you need, Kate?" He asked her, and he felt part of him die when she took the impact from the harshness of his words as if someone had hit her. He watched her throat bob as she swallowed hard.

"I, um… I wanted to know if…" She paused, brushing some hair behind her ear. "If we could talk."

He raised his eyebrows. It was unlike her to act this way. It was unlike her to seek him out, especially now. They weren't exactly on speaking terms. Not after she'd followed them. His heart felt near empty, as if she'd punctured holes in it, letting the blood flow out slowly. Painfully. He'd dreamt about her doing this exact thing the night before, and she had been enjoying herself. He nodded, and she sighed, visibly relaxing.

"If I tell you the truth…" She paused, her mouth moving but her eyes narrowing as she searched for the right words. "Give me a chance to explain everything… please."

He nodded slowly, motioning for her to sit. She did so hesitantly, as far away from him as possible. She took a deep, shaky breath and looked at the wall above his head, avoiding him completely.

"I killed my dad." She said, and then pursed her lips together tight, her eyes still fixed on the cave wall. His heart seemed to freeze and rot at the same time. He'd kept her from talking to him, being near him, for almost two weeks now. He'd watched her grow pale and tired looking, spending time with Sawyer until Sawyer took the guns. He didn't want to talk to her unless she was sure she wouldn't turn back to that southern idiot.

"He hurt my mother, Jack. He hurt me." She said quietly. He refused to acknowledge her voice anymore. He didn't want to know her dirty secrets. He wanted her to tell him that she loved him, not Sawyer. She kept her eyes trained on the wall, as if holding a conversation with it, when she spoke softly and slowly.

"You don't know what happened and you never will if you don't listen to me." She said, finally tearing her gaze from the wall to look at him for a moment. "I love you. I want the same thing now that I wanted when… when we… Tell me what's wrong. I won't give up, I promise."

"You can't always get what you want, Kate! You can't use me and then expect me to let you trick me again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. It's your fault that you got kidnapped! It's your fault that you're a murderer! It's your fault that we aren't more than two angry survivors! You keep messing up, Kate, don't you? Picking fruit when we need you! When **I** need you! You don't talk to anyone! You don't let yourself SMILE!" He said, his voice raising and his hands moving into the air as if he wanted nothing more than to grab his things and throw them at her, at the walls, at everything. She looked at her hands, folded in her lap, wishing he would stop. She didn't want to be here, but she knew he'd given her some time and he would want her to talk to him eventually. "Why can't you take some of the blame, Kate? I'm tired of blaming myself for what happens to you! It's exhausting! You're not a kid and I shouldn't have to look after you!"

"You didn't hear a word I said." She said quietly. He was left breathing heavy, his chest rising and falling heavily. "It can't all be my fault. I haven't made half the mistakes you've listed so far. I'm trying to explain to you that I **do** blame myself. It seems like I keep stepping over these lines you're drawing again and again. I'm tired of doing everything wrong. I love you."

He didn't respond, so she sighed and stood up slowly, leaving Jack to stare into no-man's-land.


	2. Wow

This is going to be twelve chapters long in the end.

Thanks for the reviews guys.

Chapter Two: **WOW**

It was Kate's turn to sit alone. She was staring at the ocean. Jack hadn't spoken to her since the day before, and she wasn't keen on seeing him anytime soon. She wasn't angry, though. Upset, disappointed, and hurt, yes, but angry… no. She couldn't be angry at Jack.

She heard rustling in the bushes and glanced quickly to see Ana and Jack walking out of the trees. Jack motioned for Ana to continue alone.

"You have a right to be angry." He told her. She wasn't looking anymore, her eyes back on the ocean.

"Who says I'm angry?" She asked him over the crashing waves.

"Kate, I yelled at you for making mistakes that everyone else could have made just as easy… Who wouldn't be angry?" He asked her. She sighed.

"I'm not angry, Jack. I'm a lot of things, but not that. I'm scared, most of all." She revealed. He sat down beside her, a little too close.

"You shouldn't be scared. We're both alive, right?" He asked her. She nodded shortly, but he could tell she didn't really believe him. "I wanted to take you somewhere."

"Won't everyone be waiting for you at the beach? The caves? The hatch? After all, you're the hero." She asked. He let a small smile creep onto his face.

"They're all in the middle of eating lunch. That means that no one would notice for a long time that we were gone." He said. She narrowed her eyes, but after a minute, she nodded her head.

"How far from here is it?" She asked him. He pulled a piece of a shirt from his pocket.

"Far enough." He told her, tying it around her head, despite her attempt to move away. "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

He helped her to her feet and then carefully guided her. She could feel his hands warm on her shoulders and his breath on the back of her neck. It reassured her as he continued to lead her. Thirty minutes later, they stopped.

"I'm going to take off the blindfold, and I want to you to say the first thing that comes into your head when you see me." He told her. She nodded quietly and then he untied the blindfold. She looked up into his deep brown eyes and it felt like they worked and looked like they worked.

"It works." She said. The sun shone down on her face and all of her worries disappeared.

"What?" He asked, genuinely confused, but she just shook her head. He shrugged and quickly tugged his shirt and pants off, running towards the water. She slowly followed, leaving her shirt on and only removing her pants. She seemed to have relented, allowing them to play at the game they had played before the incident with the others, as they swam. But then he found himself kissing her. She responded after a surprised second, her hands moving to grasp his shoulders for support. He backed away slowly, and she froze. She slowly backed out of the water.

Jack let his eyes find the careful patterns in the sand. They'd been close, and then she'd changed her mind. If she'd just take the ten steps back to him, he would never ask for anything from her again.

"Do you love me?" She asked him, standing tall and confident on the beach, and he couldn't help but admire her long legs. He could hear the change in her voice, somewhere between anger and desperation, and couldn't answer her. She began to turn after a minute, her head shaking faintly and her whole body nervous and hurt. He stopped her after a minute, climbing from the water and stepping towards her. She stopped him as he reached for her, but she moved away.

He wanted to tell her that he did love her. Because although he wasn't proud of his role in this mess, he still loved her. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. She didn't want this. She wanted freedom. So be it. Things were going to change from here on out.


	3. Gleaming Auction

Thanks for all the kind reviews, guys. Next chapter's up.

CHAPTER THREE: **GLEAMING AUCTION**

Jack and Kate had hatch duty together. Kate got there first and was busying herself with sorting the records. When Jack got there, however, she was stuck close to where he was. Eventually, she was finished sorting them all. She moved to the bookshelves to look once more at the books when the loud ringing of the alarm went off. It stopped a moment later and Jack appeared a few feet away from where Kate stood.

"I'm getting tired of nearly having heart attacks with that thing. I'm gonna need a doctor if we keep this up." He said, trying to be friendly. She didn't turn to look at him, just shook her head, as if his words were useless and had gone unappreciated. He tried again. "There are some great records in there. I heard you playing one a couple weeks ago… You've got good taste."

"Leave me alone, Jack. Just for a little while." She said, and he could hear anger in her voice. Like he was the problem.

"You're the one with the attitude, so don't try to make me out to be the root of the evilin this damn thing." He said, his words harsh but truthful. She moved around him, going to lie down on the bottom bunk. He followed her.

"I'm tired." She told him. He wanted to scream at her, but he didn't.

"Alright. Lie back and suffer. After all, we've both earned it." He said calmly. He turned and walked away. He sat down at the computer, knowing that this was going to be a long shift. He'd lost so much since he crashed here. He wouldn't be able to gain most of it back, because the chances of rescue were slim to none. She'd been right in the past, many times, but that didn't mean she was right now. To make up with her would just prove that he was letting her control him. He wasn't going to let that happen.

Later, she woke up and went into the kitchen, washing some glasses and plates that some of the others had found and used. He moved into the kitchen behind her, hoping to either get a rise out of her or have her beg for forgiveness.

"It's not as simple as how much you think you care." He told her. She turned and glared at him. She wasn't taking the hint. "Things weren't supposed to end up this way."

She had her eyes closed, ignoring him. He continued to make jabs at her until she turned and hurled a glass across the room, missing his head by less than an inch and smashing against the cabinet behind him. The glass stung his back and his legs, and it was all around him.

"Sorry." She mumbled, moving out of the kitchen. He cleaned up slowly. Even though he had cuts covering him from the glass and he felt covered in blood and fear and spite, his feelings had stayed the same. He still loved her.


	4. Whatever's Left

Next Chapter is completed. Thanks for all the reviews, guys.

CHAPTER FOUR: **WHATEVER'S LEFT**

Jack lay alone in his cave. It was probably somewhere near three in the morning, and he was still awake, sweating and struggling with nightmares when he was still half awake. He'd felt this every night now, but he hadn't gotten used to it. He could barely keep the camp together these days, what with Aaron getting sick and Sawyer taking things right out from under their noses. Everyone was tense. Everyone was looking at Jack expectantly, prodding him into the leadership position, asking for advice about everything from what to do about sunburns to which direction they should go in search of boar to how to woe that special someone. The last one made his stomach turn every time it rose.

He knew he'd be alright in his heart, that he was just fine now, but he wasn't used to 'fine'. None of them were anymore. That was the thing. They were all perfectly fine, and that made them even more terrified than being in trouble.

As for the Kate problem, she had begun to talk to him again about useless topics that were the same sort of things they'd talked about in the first few days here. They were slowly following the same path they'd taken the first time around, as if it was a giant network of paths and they'd happened upon the one they'd finished not five days earlier, deciding to try again. The only problem was, they weren't trying any new tactics. It was the same thing. The same problems between them were already beginning to arise.

If they didn't deal with the problem soon, she would blow up in his face once more, throwing another glass. Or maybe she'd shoot him this time. He looked up and found himself looking up at her. She was just standing there, her wavy chestnut hair falling perfectly around her, creating a halo.

"I thought you'd be asleep." She said quietly. He didn't say a word. It seemed that she'd been reading his thoughts, because they both knew this was a completely different path. She had to know that he'd do whatever she wanted now that she was here. The madness was setting in inside of his mind, his whole body buzzing with the sensation.

She sat down next to him, her arm brushing against his, and it almost physically hurt him, the emotions were so strong. She turned her head and kissed his cheek so lightly that it might not have been a kiss at all, and his eyes wanted to half-close in a drugged state as his body tingled from head to toe. She must have seen this reaction, because suddenly she was shoving him onto his back on the cave ground, his breath not quite returning to his lungs from the impact before she pressed her open mouth against his lips that were seeking air.

He felt like he could breathe through her, strange as it was. He knew his back was probably going to be bruised badly tomorrow, because there were three rocks digging into his back as she kissed him hard, her tongue forcing it's way into his mouth. As quickly as she had kissed him, she had sat up and punched him in the chest. It wasn't to hurt him badly, it was simply to tell him something, though he wasn't sure what.

"Do **not** blame me for everything, Jack. This is your fault too." She said, and it was desperate and helpless sounding and altogether very unlike her. It was news to him that it was his fault too. She hadn't told him that. He nodded, knowing she was right.

"Let's try this again." He whispered, and forced himself into a sitting position to kiss her softly. It was harmless kissing, no sex involved. That was how they wanted it for now. No sudden leaps into something they couldn't handle. When they stopped kissing, she curled up against him, lying on the hard ground. He fell asleep quickly, no nightmares plaguing him.

When he woke up the next morning, she was gone and he wasn't sure if it had been a dream or if it had been real.


	5. Spitting Games

Thanks for the reviews guys. I really appreciate the words of kindness.

CHAPTER FIVE: **SPITTING GAMES**

His back was bruised and sore, with a shallow cut running about an inch across his back. He knew that it couldn't have been a dream now.

He went to her tent when he brought water to the beach later that day, but she wasn't there. He left her a short note with a pen that was running out of ink and paper that already had someone's flight schedule on it. It had been left out in the rain once, and now had a rough, wrinkled texture, but he could write on it.

'Kate-

I came by to see if you were here. You obviously aren't, so I guess I'll come back later.

Love, (he scratched that out, leaving an inky blotch.)

From,

Jack'

He was sort of glad she wasn't there, because he was afraid that he would have been too nervous to talk to her otherwise. He had a pleasantly numb feeling that had taken over his body that his mind automatically associated with her. Kate.

He sat down in the sand, facing the ocean, and let his mind wander while he stared at nothing in particular. Later, she came back and didn't notice him. She was busy helping some of the others move bunches of bananas. He sat and watched her, now beneath the trees, somewhat hidden. He found it easier to watch her from a distance than push himself at her, talk to her. His heart felt as if it would burst when he caught her perfect eyes, which seemed as blue as oceans and as pure as skies though he knew that they were really a vibrant green.

She smiled at him and he knew that was his cue. He stood up and made his way towards her. When he reached her side, he struggled to find words. He gave up after his mouth opened, he drew in a deep awkward breath, and then breathed out once more, his mouth closing. His mind didn't seem to be with him, as if it were up in the trees above the tents with the squawking birds.

"Hey." She said, and a little piece of Jack's mind seemed to have jumped to respond, because his mouth moved and words came out before the rest of his mind could process what had happened.

"I left you a note." The rest of his mind screamed 'NO!' just a second too late, and he winced inside, the little part of his brain that worked apologizing again and again, announcing that it was completely his fault. She looked confused and somewhat amused, though shy and wary.

"A note?" She asked. He swallowed hard before the free part of his mind had the chance to jump to answer again. The rest of his brain had taken command.

"On your blanket. You weren't there, so…" The free part wass laughing then, because she got an odd look on her face.

"You were in my tent?" The rest of his brain seemed to explode into a panic, sirens going off and people screaming 'NO!' at the top of their lungs. The free area took over, calmly answering.

"You didn't answer when I said your name; I wanted to see if you were alright." He told her. The rest of his brain patted him on the back when she nodded, understanding lighting up her beautiful face. She turned to find that the others had all moved down the beach towards the main camp, leaving her and Jack alone for the moment. He followed her gaze.

"Jack… can I… could I kiss you?" She asks him, and he feels himself fall head over heals in love with her. He nods numbly, his whole mind exploding in fireworks, and then she kisses him on the lips, awkward and anything but perfect, but Kate. He wanted to tell her to take her time, because neither of them was in any rush, but she pulled away and grasped his hand tight in hers before smiling and motioning for him to follow her back down the beach towards the others. When they reached the other people on the beach, Jack fell in love with everyone he saw because of his high.

She gave him a shy smile before she told him she had to go and disappeared into her tent. He stood there, watching the tent for a minute, but it was clear she wouldn't come out again. He sighed and turned towards the trees. He was already confused enough by life, and now this. This was even more confusing. They had quickly moved from not speaking to this (whatever 'this' was) and he didn't know where to go from here.


	6. Chocolate

CHAPTER SIX: **CHOCOLATE**

One night about three weeks later, Jack found himself outside of her tent. He hoped she was asleep, when deep down he knew that they were both insomniacs, so she was probably just lying there on her blanket, staring at the tarp that served as her roof. He said her name quietly and something inside the tent moved quickly. He said her name again.

"It's me. Jack." He said, and she appeared in the opening of her tent, looking very much awake. She stood up slowly, and he realized that she wasn't wearing all of her usual clothes, just her bra and underwear. He drew in a breath and turned away, unsure of whether or not she was ok with him seeing her like that.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"No." Was the only vocal response he received, but then there were hands running down his back, creeping beneath the fabric of his shirt and then lightly moving back up his bare back, the nails grazing the skin soothingly. He turned his head slightly, not enough to see her, but enough that there was no way she could think he was avoiding her.

"What are you doing?" He asked, and it was hoarse. He wondered if this was what it felt like to be alive. He'd felt home in so many different places at so many different times, but none of it had felt so right.

"Do you really need me to answer that question?" She asked. Her hands moved to unbutton his shirt from behind him, pulling it down off of his shoulders when she had finished. She placed kisses on his throat and neck, her hands moving to his pants to tug them off of his hips.

His mind was racing through things that didn't apply to the situation. How he hadn't wanted to be part of his family. But now it didn't matter, because on the island, everyone was family, everyone had someone they could count on, friend or love. It felt like he was the big brother to some of them, while others felt like they were parents or older children still. Old enough that they didn't feel the need to look out for anyone but themselves.

Kate tugged his pants off and turned him around to face her, her hands coming up to his face to draw his lips to hers.

* * *

When Jack woke up, he was thoroughly confused. There was some living thing lying on his bare chest, and he felt sticky, as if sweat had dried onto his body. The thing on his chest was shaking as if in pain, and when he opened his eyes, he found himself looking at Kate, and all the memories returned.

Her body was lying perpendicular to his body, her back arched over his stomach. One of her arms was pressed tight against her chest, the other sprawled above her head. Her legs were curled into one corner of the tent. Her body was completely bare, just as his was. She was shaking, her eyebrows knit together. It was clear that she was having a nightmare of some sort. He placed a hand on her cheek, his rough fingertips creating friction.

Her eyes shot open immediately, and she seemed to panic when she realized that she was naked. And so was Jack. She shoved herself away from him, her arms wrapping around herself protectively.

"Kate?" He said quietly, reaching one hand out to her. She blushed a deep red and he realized that she was scared as hell of him seeing her naked and vice versa. He opened his mouth to apologize, knowing that it would be true, even if he had enjoyed everything at the time. "I'm sorry."

She looked away, and he knew that something must be wrong.

"You're the only thing I love. It scares me more every day, but it's true." Jack told her, and she met his eyes. She still looked scared as she searched the ground for her clothes. He saw this coming, or at least he claimed he did, because in truth, he was lost for words. She got dressed quickly, her back facing him.

"What the hell did I do now?" He whispered to himself, knowing as he said it that it was too late for asking if she was ok. She turned to look at him, feeling his anxiety.

"I didn't think about… what if I get pregnant?" She asked him quietly. His eyes widened as he understood her fear. It was an honest mistake, not using any sort of protection, but it could lead to the most difficult time he'd ever gone through.

"Kate… I didn't think either. I… Is there anything that I can do?" He asked, but she was already almost completely dressed. She shook her head.

"It's not that I don't want to be pregnant… don't get me wrong, Jack… but… not here." She said, and it sounded helpless. He could see that she was biting back tears and reached out for her, wrapping his arms around her. She put her hands on his bare shoulders, avoiding looking at him.

"You should get dressed. They'll be wondering where we are." She whispered and left him alone in her tent, naked.


	7. Run

A/N: The last chapter was titled Chocolate because, as I've said before, this story is being written using a Snow Patrol cd (Final Straw). The chapters are each named after the songs on the cd, and the chapters are written based off of the lyrics, although I don't put the lyrics in. The song has absolutely nothing to do with chocolate either, I'm not just being stupid, I promise.

Also, I'd like to appologize for the shortness (is that a real word) of this chapter.

CHAPTER SEVEN: **RUN**

When Jack and Kate finally saw each other again later that day, Jack sat down beside her quietly, swallowing his fear. His hand found hers, tugging at it until she allowed him to hold it.

"I love you." He whispered to her. He'd say it one last time, so that she'd know. "It's getting late. You should go back to your tent."

Her eyes drifted to his face, and he saw that he had hurt her somehow in saying this. This was what she wanted. She wanted them separated.

"That's what you want, isn't it?" He asked her, and she gave a short shake of her head. He nodded, smiling lightly. "You could come to the caves for tonight."

She gave him a weak smile and nodded, her eyes closing momentarily.

"You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done." She told him quietly. His eyes moved towards her, but he could barely see her in the darkness. Even though he could barely make out the curve of her lips, he felt like they could make it anywhere away from here. When they finally went back to the caves, he lit a torch inside his cave so they could see each other. He whispered to himself, knowing she wouldn't hear, but know that he was right beside her. He whispered words like 'love' and 'home'.

There was a low creak from the bushes and then a terrifying roar as a polar bear emerged from the brush outside the caves without warning. Jack grabbed Kate by the waist, hoisting her to her feet before moving to run as the invisible eyes found them. They ran as fast as they could, Kate a little ahead of Jack the whole time. When they stopped running, he could hardly speak out of exhaustion.

"Jack…" She whispered, unable to raise her voice, and he understood her fatigue. They'd run nonstop for at least fifteen minutes, sprinting the entire time. He clutched her back against his chest, crouched in a small grove of close growing trees. He thought of losing her, and what it would mean, not seeing those eyes. It made him feel as if he would cry, but he bit back his tears. His thoughts strayed to goodbyes then, and a tear threatened to escape him.

"It's ok." He whispered in her ear, wishing she would light up again. The monster was gone, and he pressed his nose into her hair, smelling her hair. He said things so quietly that she wouldn't hear him once more, like they were safe in his cave. He shifted his weight behind her and she clutched his shirt.

"Don't leave." She whispered, and she sounded terrified.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be right beside you." He whispered, his voice so soft and airy that she closed her eyes to feel his words as well as hear them. They heard something shift in the bushes and growl and then an angry boar appeared, his beady eyes fixing on them as he ran at them. Jack pushed Kate into the tree and followed just in time as the boar squealed and hit the tree trunk. He wished it would hurry up and go away, but it lay down instead, resting its large head on the ground.

"We don't have time for this." Jack mumbled to Kate, and she nodded, reaching for the tree beside theirs. She'd found and easier way out than to battle a boar. She was walking through the trees. But the boar followed them, and she seemed to be losing hope and getting more frightened by the second. She finally stopped walking altogether.

"We can't just keep doing this." She told him. He took her hand.

"We're bound to be afraid, but we can make it." In his mind, he told her they could fix every mess they'd made, but he didn't voice this for fear of it becoming a lie.


	8. Grazed Knees

Sorry guys, really short

CHAPTER EIGHT: **GRAZED KNEES**

It was sometime in the next week that Kate became very sick. She had a high fever and spent the majority of her time trying to be useful, though everyone told her to lie down. Jack, therefore, spent the majority of his time making sure she stayed either in the hatch or the caves.

This had worked for a few days. She read Julius Caesar, by Shakespeare, and The Odyssey in less than three days, which astounded Jack, because she had a tendency to put down whatever book she was reading at the time and simply stare at the wall in thought.

This morning, however, had been different. She and Jack had been walking along the path from the hatch to the caves, she aching all over from the fever, he supporting her, when she passed out in mid-step. By the time Jack had her back in the caves, she was beginning to wake up once more.

He tried not to stare at her, her perfect hair trailing down her cheek like an artist's portrait of a cup of coffee, the soft swirls of heat running gently down the pale porcelain mug. It was too late to look away, she was looking up at him.

"You cold?" he asked her, grasping a blanket in his hand to put over her. She nodded slowly, and he draped the dark blue airline blanket over her pale, sweaty body. In truth, he too was cold. He was colder than hell. He probably shouldn't be spending all of his time in such close quarters with her while she was sick.

He got her fruit at every meal and she didn't touch it, just watched it contemplatively, as if she wanted to speak to the fruits but had forgotten the language that the foreigners spoke. She finally looked up at his face, her eyes relatively blank.

"You're getting sick too." She said quietly.

"No, I'm fine." He lied, figuring it would be better to lie to her and make her feel safe. They had seemingly easily made the giant leap of faith and let others know that they were no longer Kate who lived at the beach and Jack who lived at the caves. Now they were Jack and Kate, who lived together. She shook her head, knowing he was lying.

A few minutes later, when she appeared to be asleep, she spoke again.

"When the rescue gets here, I'll never see you again." She told him, her eyes closed. He took her warm hand in his own where they limply touched. "This is a bad idea."

"What if we don't get caught?" He asked her, hunching over her body. She appeared to be angry and tried to sit up, but he pushed her gently back into the blanket.

"I love you. Forget about rescue for now. You should rest." He told her quietly. She yawned and relaxed once more.


	9. Ways and Means

CHAPTER NINE: **WAYS AND MEANS**

After a few more days, Kate was beginning to feel better, but Jack was getting pale and sickly in her place. She grew irritable when he worked himself too much and would refuse to eat with him or other such simple things when he tired himself out.

They were both quite busy these days, because it appeared that whatever they had gotten was spread easily, as Jin was beginning to feel ill as well, though he denied this accusation as vehemently as if he were being falsely accused of murder, and Hurley looked paler than usual. Claire was continually worried about Aaron's health and washed him at least five times a day. Libby began to feel sick shortly after Hurley.

They were too busy to spend time with each other, and although one would think this would make them closer, it did the opposite. It made them irritated with each other. But they were too busy to talk about the problems they were quickly developing, so the pothole between them quickly became a ravine.

Jack knew he should try to fix things between them, but he knew that if they spoke, they'd both end up angry. He wanted to talk to her, but he had a feeling that she wanted to believe she was strong enough to ignore the problems, when she wasn't in reality.

Everyone was turning to Jack, the doctor. 'Jack, fix this instantly please'. But Jack didn't know what to do. He didn't know a damn thing. 'But Jack, you're the only one who can!' they'd reply. Or at least, that was the gist of the conversations.

He could have told them all to go away, but he helped them, wishing and waiting for Kate to come see him, which she rarely did. He was worried he might forget that he loved her. So when he saw her sitting beside Sawyer on the beach, because now he was getting sick, he walked over.

"You ok Sawyer? You look a little…" Jack began.

"Sick? Yeah, no thanks to you. God damn doctor can't do a thing." He grumbled the last part to himself. Jack turned to look at Kate.

"Could we talk?" He asked her. She looked at Sawyer before nodding shortly and standing up. Maybe he could do this if he put his back into it. "Are you ok?" he asked after a few steps.

She glanced back at Sawyer before answering. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

"We don't talk… I was just… Do you want this Kate?" He asked her point blank. She turned to stare at him, confused.

"What?" She asked.

"Do you want this? Us." He said. She blinked a few times and took a deep breath. She opened her mouth, then shut it again, rethinking her words. "I can leave you, if that's what you want."

In his mind, he knew that there was no where for him to go, but the words were already hanging in the air between them, and he refused to give her the satisfaction of taking them back. Maybe he could take them back now and he wouldn't suffer, if he found a way to love everything she did or said, but he'd have been lying to himself. There was no way out of their problems that he could see.

"You're lying. You can't leave. Where would you go?" She said, her words hurt and bitter. He looked away, unable to reply. She knew, of course, that he was lying to her. He couldn't even begin to curse, he'd lost so much and gained so much in the last few months.

He'd never known what it felt like to have someone understand him on such an easy level, but it was clear to him he probably never should have known, because now he would never be able to give her up. They may have been angry, but he was actually enjoying being angry at her, because it was with her. Maybe there was a dark side to everyone after all.

fter all.


End file.
